Paradoxical Undressing by Kristin Hersh

Author:Kristin Hersh [Hersh, Kristin]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780857893017
Publisher: Atlantic Books

silver sun

only sweetness

that’s all

to shake off the bitter

And it sounds like my bandmates’ve been talking to each other in my absence, ’cause they all say the same thing: they tell me they wanna quit school and focus on Throwing Muses. They must’ve thought I disappeared ’cause I was losing interest. “I’m cool with that,” I say. “I don’t have a lot going on right now.”

When I hang up after the third phone call, I stand, staring at the phone, wondering what “focus on Throwing Muses” means exactly. So I start all over again, calling each band member in turn.

“People’re always telling us we’re wasting time in Providence,” explains Tea. This is true, people do tell us that; I never knew what it meant. But by the end of six phone calls, we’re moving to Boston, where, apparently, no one wastes time.

We’ll go apartment hunting together and I’ll call whatever we rent “home.” I can handle that, I think. I’m still now. Turns out there’s just a fine line between belonging everywhere and belonging nowhere anyway.

I used to see my bandmates as my allies in evil, the best devil’s angels our religion could create. Now they seem to clear the air, make everything clean and good—regular angels, forgiving me for the blast of heat I injected into our lives and our sound. ’Cause there’s no devil’s breath in those lungs: Tea, Dave and Leslie smite the disease right out of religious disease and leave only religion. Their energy is forward movement, not downward spiraling.

I watch my shaking hand hang up the phone. Oh, yeah. Lithium tremors. I can’t play guitar anymore.

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